Why Handling Your Tongue With Care Is Important

Did you know that words have the power to hurt as well as the power to heal? It a very striking fact! When you take a look at children who are physically abused, you tend to be more sympathetic because of the wounds on the flesh. Unfortunately, words have the same scarring effect as well. You may not notice the wounds because they don’t exist on the surface, but the searing pain remains in a child’s heart as verbal abuse is equally if not more deadly than physical abuse.

Wounds on the body may heal, but unkind words may cause permanent damage that will last a lifetime if we are not careful with what we say.

Even among adults, hurtful words are remembered and buried within a hurting heart and some individuals take those words all the way to the grave.

As a result, we must carefully examine the uses of the tongue. If you want to make friends and keep them in the long run, often you may have to control your tongue. Ironically, the most important things you must do when working with your tongue is to leave many unkind words unsaid. That is all you need to do at times.

You have a powerful tool in your hand. It is up to you how you want to use your tongue to edify others or take others down. Do you complain, criticize and condemn? Do you say things that do not edify people?

If you get into an argument with a friend, make sure you stick to the issue at hand and never resort to character assassination or name calling. Name calling actually sears a wound on a person’s soul and they will remember that with clarity even more so than any other thing. Please avoid name calling at ALL costs!

Here is a good way to use your tongue… you must learn to compliment people everyday. Practice saying 1 compliment to 5 different people everyday. It could be your spouse, your parent, your co-workers, your boss or even the cleaning lady in the company! Compliments are free and it offers a great healing power that many fail to utilize.

I’m very sure that you could use some compliments as well!

Words are like deeds – do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

makingfriendconnection.com

The Importance Of Trust And Integrity

Friendship is such a fragile thing. As a matter of fact, if you take a good look at trust and integrity, it might take a lifetime to build it but only seconds to destroy it. It is even more fragile than a glass. Friendships are usually tied closely with it.

Having real trust and true integrity in friendship could mean a lot of things:

It could mean keeping your promises at all costs. It could mean sticking to your principles no matter what circumstances you are in. It could mean making a lot of sacrifices. It could also mean that you have to do what is right even if it could cost you!

Trust and integrity are one of the most important things you must have when making friends and keeping them in the long run.

Most people may tend to make assumption on you, for example:

“Andy? Yeah he’s a fine dude, really nice chap…”

“Hmm, Andy, quite a slacker actually… can’t rely on him to do anything”

“Andy is one tough dude. He is a good friend who would stick to his guns and do the right thing. And he will always be there for his friends”

Chances are, YOU are the Andy that people would sum up. Which of those comments would you like to fall under?

Having integrity is one key factor to living well with others because people like things to be predictable. They don’t like people to spring up bad surprises. If you are a person with a lot of integrity, they will always count on you. You are the ‘go to’ person where people will rely on.

Be careful, however. People are rather unforgiving especially where integrity is concerned.

If you arrive early for your appointments, make sure you are always early for ALL your appointments. People will criticize you even if you arrive late only on one occasion. If you don’t buy pirated DVDs, make sure you stick to it. Don’t be wishy-washy! Hey, even crooks have integrity and they want other crooks to respect them.

At the end of the day, the key is to be consistent irregardless of what your moral values are or your way of life. Don’t change your values all the time and lose your integrity because it only confuses people.

makingfriendconnection.com

Your Emotional Bank Accounts

Have you ever wondered why life is nothing but a trading of favors or feelings? It is very true, that our lives operate like bank accounts and automatic teller machines.

Take for example: When you go to the bank, you make deposits into your bank account and you make withdrawals from your bank account. What if you keep on going to the bank daily to make withdrawals? Do you know what will happen? The Automatic Teller Machine will give you a rude retort implying that you have overdrawn!

The same applies to the people with deal with on a daily basis. You see, when someone does a favor for another, they are making an emotional deposit in the person’s heart.

On the other hand, when we act as though we are the king of the world, the only people around us who will put up with our horrendous attitude are probably the ones who are closest to you. If you continue to persist in your streak of folly, even their patience will run out.

That is tantamount to making emotional withdrawals from their hearts. People who are closest to us start with a larger bank account. After all, they have a starting balance to begin with (your mother or your father will have more tolerance for you because you are, after all, their baby boy/girl). We must be careful not to take those around us for granted. Continuous withdrawals will cause relationships to become estranged. It is like having a terrible sickness yet you just can’t die!

No doubt, a hungry man can live for a few days without food, but as the hunger demands from your empty shell, you will feel quite irritated yet you can’t make it go away (unless you ‘deposit’ some food)

We must never reach the point where all our emotional deposits run out. To put it in a metaphor, it would be a horrible thing because the ‘interest’ on overdrawn emotional bank accounts is quite expensive – in other words, it will be very, very difficult to mend a broken relationship.

Most emotionally bankrupt individuals harbor suicidal thoughts not because people refuse to love them. Their lack of love is only a symptom of a larger problem – that they did not give or deposit in the first place and therefore they won’t get any sympathy from anyone else.

It is up to you to keep on making deposits – like helping your friends, keeping in touch with them, and being there for them when they need you. Remember that making deposits might ‘cost’ you in the short run, but the ‘interest’ is worth far more in the long run.

Makingfriendconnection.com

How To Make Friends

How To Make Friends on Howcast

Step 1: Join a group
Join a group that interests you. You could work on a political campaign, sign up for a class, do volunteer work, or become a member of a club like a hiking group

Step 2: Make the first move
Don’t be afraid to make the first move. Keep it simple, like inviting the person to grab a cup of coffee with you.

Tips: In the beginning, don’t call or email your new acquaintance more than he or she does you. You want to be a pal, not a pain.

Step 3: Be interested
Focus on being interested, rather than being interesting. Research shows that when people are allowed to talk mostly about themselves, they give high ratings to their conversation partner!

Step 4: Do a favor
Listen with an ear toward what you can do for the person you’d like to befriend. Doing someone a favor—without being asked—will fast-track the friendship.

Tips : Don’t be afraid to reach out to old friends who have faded from your life. Sometimes a renewed friendship is the most rewarding of all.

Step 5: Throw a party
Throw a party that includes all your friends, old and new, and encourage them to bring friends. As a wise man once said: make new friends, but keep the old—one is silver and the other’s gold.

makingfriendconnection.com

How To Get Along With Others By Handling Arguments Well

Sometimes, when you get to know someone long enough, you tend to notice things about them that you don’t like. Sometimes you might get into arguments with people. If you really want to get to know someone well enough, you will inevitably run into disagreements with one another.

This article will teach you how to deal with them because handling arguments is part and parcel of life. If you don’t have arguments, you probably don’t have any close friends to begin with.

Of course, there is another group of people who argue for the sake of arguing and you don’t want to get into a fight with these people.

Here are the three reasons why people argue (or are argumentative in general)…

They are feeling frustrated and argumentative so they go around looking to pick a fight. They are people who are the fighters. They get a kick out of arguing with other people and it is pointless to argue with them in the first place!

The second group of argumentative people is the attention seekers. They lack attention and they feel that the only way they can get the attention they need is to argue with someone. You mustn’t argue with these people either because they will keep coming back for more or because it isn’t good for them (as they use these kinds of arguments to get attention.)

The last group is people who like to change things. They hate the way things are and they want to go all out and change the things around them so they argue until something happens!

The worst thing that can happen is getting sucked into these kind of arguments and trying to WIN them when the battle is already ‘lost’ from the beginning of it. General Abrams once quoted, “Never get in fights with pigs – you get all dirty and they enjoy it!”

So how do we handle these ‘pigs’? By avoiding the argument in the first place! This is one of the most effective ways to save a friendship.

Once again, it’s not about winning on an intellectual level. If you cannot touch the subconscious mind and insist on using ‘brute force’, you will only lose the battle, but other party is of the same opinion still!

Don’t try and prove the other party wrong. In fact, sometimes it is better to permit them to have their own opinion. As a matter of fact, once they cool down, they might even come up to you with an apology!

At the end of the day, try not to win the argument. Let THEM win the argument because winning it only results in you digging two graves.

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Aggressive, Passive and Assertive

What is the secret to getting along with others? Have you ever wondered why different people seem to react differently when faced with a situation where they want something or when people want something from them.

There are three types of people in the world.

The first type is the aggressive type, the second is the passive type and the third type is the assertive type.

The aggressive type is the type of person who seldom reasons objectively with you. You either do things their way or you are getting in their way. This often leads to aggressive people throwing tantrums or using emotional blackmail to get what they want. Unlike assertive people, these guys act in a manner that is totally contrary to assertive behavior.

The passive type on the other hand might ask meekly for something. People might even take advantage on these passive types and they usually comply out of obligation… until they can take it no longer and erupt (and you don’t want to be around them when they erupt – they could be worse than the aggressive type!)

And finally there is the assertive type. Being assertive is getting what you want without acting like a brute or being passive about it.

One of the ways to increase our happiness factor in our lives is to get along with other people. And one of the unavoidable things we must face is to deal with aggressive and pushy people that will try and take advantage of you or to avoid BEING an aggressive and pushy person. So how do we get what we want?

In life, there is a very clear distinction between being aggressive and being assertive.

As you can see, the key to happiness in any relationship is not to act like a barbarian when you want something and neither is about acting like a doormat and let people take advantage of you (these types of people usually explode in the end and things will get ugly).

If you want to find the perfect balance, then being assertive is the way.

You don’t have to be an aggressive person because being assertive is more about being firm about what needs to be done and communicating in such a way that people would feel the reason behind it rather than being put off by the behavior.

If you want to get what you want out of a relationship or a friendship, it is pointless to throw a tantrum or resort to death threats and emotional blackmail. You need to tap into their subconscious mind before they are ready to comply.

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The Secret To Finding True Friends

In life, true friendship often eludes us. We look around and wonder what the heck is wrong with all the superficial people around us. Sometimes, we feel as though we want to throw a punch through the masks they wear because we are so frustrated by the lack of true friendship in our lives!

In order to find true friendship, we must understand people. Firstly, there is no such thing as a free lunch in this world. It doesn’t matter if you are daddy’s little girl or if you are talking with your best friend or working things out with your spouse…

The fact of the matter is that human beings are inherently selfish! They won’t do anything without motivation. Most of the time, they are either motivated by fear of loss or for the benefits of gain.

Most of the time, the fear of loss or pain is what motivates people to take action (which explains why people only seek to patch up friendships and relationships when things are breaking apart instead of giving them due ‘maintenance’ like a car).

But if you were to factor in this fact into our personality, we usually have the tendency to feel that we are always right and everyone else is wrong.

I’m not talking about facts and figures (like who gets the highest score in Jeopardy); I’m referring to the moral values refracted through the lens of our eyes and our moral perceptions.

Many a times, people tend to see our faults clearly while we are all oblivious to our many idiosyncrasies and selfish behaviors.

There are some who would even go to the extreme and feel that the world would be a perfect place when the all the people around him would CHANGE THEIR STINKING ATTITUDE, and then the world would be a better place.

Alas, history has proven time and time again that an attempt to change the world around us would be futile unless we learn to change ourselves first.

There is a saying in the Bible that goes something like this: Why do you notice the speck in your brother’s eye, but you fail to see the PLANK that is in your OWN eye? Remove the plank in your own eye, and then you will be able to see clearly (sometimes, the speck in your brother’s eye might not even exist at all!)

At the end of the day, if you find that you can’t stand all the people around you, then you should ask yourself this very important question… am I the one making life insufferable for them? Get right with yourself and the world around you and you will find that the problem is not with them… but with us!

http://makingfriendconnection.com